I can not express how i feel right now. im sorry if this blog might seem a little bit unorganized but thats only because that is how my thoughts are coming to me, in waves of static, intoxicated with mixed emotions.
I want to scream, or run or maybe get a hammer and destroy a wall. I feel angry. thats one emotion.
but then i feel like theres hope.
A hope for my future.
You see i want to be a concept artist for the games and movies industry. Everyday all i think about is movies, games, stories, art, amazing environments, new worlds and ideas that just pop up in my head. these ideas are so crystal freaking clear in my thoughts and i try to paste that image onto a canvas.
The only issue is that my skills with illustration and rendering my ideas are harder than i ever thought. That is why i practice so much.
In this entertainment industry the competition is high and the stress with it. everyone is looking to have better ideas than the guy next to him. everyone knows the standard of quality and everyone knows just how hard it can be. There is no easy task in becoming a concept artist. It seems as if you are good. Or you are not.
Which makes me think and wonder.. where did all of these great concept artists come from? Whats there background that helped them reach their goals in their careers. because i want to be like them. i want a future full of excitement and creating worlds in games and movies. things like this would be my dream.
After much research and stalking... it has come to my attention that art school is a big help in reaching the par for the gold standard of the quality of art needed to succeed in the entertainment industry. And many concept artists have come from one school in particular. Art Center College of Design located in Pasadena, California.
It seems that this school is just pumping out great artists. many of which i have come to know as my favorites and my go to inspirations when i feel down and dont know what to draw.
And since so many have gone to this school and succeeded, i knew that i could take this path as well. I know that if i go to Art Center, i will get the results i am craving for. I want to create a piece of art that will blow someone away. I want it soo badly. it wont be easy thats for sure. but in my experience the only way of receiving it, is to know your gonna need to WANT it, period.
i know a thing or two when it comes to dedication and perseverance with my background in my personal physical training. i understand that patience is key in times like these, but i cant help but sit back, stare at a blaring white computer screen and be blown away by art works of my favorite designers.
My eyes will tend to stare with envy. I notice every brush stroke and every inch of detail put into a piece. I try to break it down into simple forms and shapes. But i always come up short. I always seem to end up in the same place i always end up.. getting tugged by my emotions.
going crazy and crazy and crazier every moment from lifes stresses. Im lonley, theres no one to call love, no one to hold onto when the darkness is infesting your very thoughts. I feel like i could share my feelings with someone that cares is a better way of letting things out rather than for random people like you to read them. if you are reading them. or im just typing away at 2 am wondering if i should even finish this sentence.
see i told you this would be unorganized. my English teachers are all shaking their heads with a face palm.
sigh. i want to scream. i want to bang a wall. do push ups till my palms dig into the earth. i want to be the best artist ever. i want to feel the joy of traveling the world and feel like a bad ass on a motorcycle. i want to do so many things. so many things. but i will never get to them all. i got to pick the perfect few that i can hold onto and do them completely and thoroughly, then if i have time. well, that will be another blog.
but for now i guess im done with this little vent. i honestly think this is like a journal more than anything. but if there is someone out there that actually gives a hoot, then please say something, anything. would be cool to know someone cares. i'll post up some art work of mine soon, maybe tomorrow.
later world.
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